At first, I started to write about why it’s good to let kids and teens be bored sometimes – so they can tap into their own creativity and problem-solving skills. But I stopped myself from going down that path because I think all of us already know that. We know logically we don’t need to entertain kids 24/7…and yet, when they get bored, we can still find ourselves feeling ill at ease. I think a deeper question for us to consider is: WHY do we feel uncomfortable with their boredom?
I think there are a number of factors that influence each other:
1) Empathy
I truly believe that part of why we don’t like to see our kids bored is because we understand what that experience feels like. We know what it’s like to be a bit lost and lonely, and we don’t like to see them struggle through it, either. We love our kids and want them to feel comfortable and happy, so we jump in to help them solve the issue. It comes from a good place.
2) Conflict Avoidance
Bored kids are like a punishment for their parents sometimes! Listening to them whine and groan about having “nothing to do” (despite a room full of toys) is exhausting. We might be hoping that if we can engage them in an activity, we’ll be rescued from our own sense of annoyance and impatience.
3) Fear of Failing
Sometimes when our children are bored, we worry WE are at fault. Do I not provide them with the right toys? Am I letting them watch screens too much, and it’s stunting their imagination? Should I give them more chores?!
When your kids’ boredom brings up feelings of guilt and worry for you, it makes sense that you’ll want to quickly fix the problem. But your child being bored isn’t evidence that you’re doing something wrong. It’s okay to allow them to feel uncomfortable sensations sometimes. Which brings me to my last point…
4) Our Own Inability to Be Bored
As a society, we have gotten really good at eliminating boredom. We listen to podcasts on the long commute home and reach for our phones in the doctor’s waiting room. We rarely sit with that feeling of “there’s nothing to do right now.” It reminds me of a manager at a Pizza Hut I worked for in college, who used this delightful little phrase on us: “If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.”
Boredom has taken on a connotation of unproductivity, of laziness. And we’ve learned to escape our own boredom, so we instinctively, unintentionally, teach our kids to escape theirs.
When you put all of these things together – empathy, guilt, annoyance, and discomfort – it’s easy to see why we would feel pressured to solve our kids’ boredom for them! But maybe the question isn’t, “How can I help my child not feel bored?” Maybe it should be: “Can I help my child learn to manage uncomfortable feelings?”
