Using Structured Doll Play to Help Your Child Cope with Challenges

When kids are going through something hard or anticipating a stressful change – potty training, changes in the family, medical procedures, a big move, or anything else that shakes their sense of predictability, parents and caregivers often look for ways to help. One of the most powerful (and surprisingly simple) tools you can use at home is structured doll play.

Doll play comes naturally to children. They instinctively use toys to make sense of their worlds. And amazingly, if you add a bit of structure and intention, doll play can become something more: a safe, developmentally-appropriate for kids to process experiences they don’t yet have the words for. This type of play gives kids a safe distance from whatever challenge is upsetting them – after all, it feels much easier to talk through a character than to share about themselves! It also offers a chance to “rewrite the story” of the challenge by incorporating healthy coping skills and meaningful lessons.

How to Use Structured Doll Play at Home

What you need:

• a doll family is nice, but this also works with stuffed animals or other figures
• possible props related to the issue (e.g. a doctor’s kit for an upcoming medical procedure, a little toilet or chair for potty challenges, buildings or structures that could serve as houses for a divorce or move)

Step 1: Start with a gentle introduction

Sit on the floor with your child and suggest you play dolls together. Let your child pick out which dolls or figures they want to use, and what the doll family (or friends, if that’s more relevant) can do for fun together. Begin playing out a scene where the family members interact positively together. It’s great if your child chooses to join in, but it’s also okay if they choose to simply watch!

Step 2: Introduce a character with a similar experience

Obviously, this will depend on what your child is going through! You can show a child doll expressing the need to go potty, or having trouble making friends; alternatively, you can show a parent doll reminding the child of a dentist appointment or instructing the child to get ready to go to Dad’s house.

Then, set the scene! Verbalize the child doll’s feelings about the situation, making sure to tailor these to your child’s real emotions and worries. Have doll parents respond with patience and understanding. Invite your child’s input along the way. Even if the plot goes down silly paths now and then, you can engage with the fun and then gently bring it back to the main thread.

Step 3: Add coping strategies naturally

As the story unfolds, you can model helpful coping tools. Get your child’s input for ideas, but don’t push if they’re hesitant. Some examples of how that might look:

• “The little boy is still nervous to try the potty! Do you have any ideas for what the Mommy doll could to help him feel better? Oh…singing songs is a great idea, bud.”
• “The elephant wants to hold hands with her daddy while she gets her shot. Can you think of anything else that might help?”
• “The army man wants to ask the others to play, but he’s not sure how. Hmm. What could he say?”

Step 4: Wrap up with reassurance

You can show the child doll successfully get a shot or use the potty or fly on an airplane, but try not to go overboard with a perfect happy ending. That’s not realistic, and may unintentionally make your child feel pressured. Instead, try to bring the doll play back a few times, and you can show the child doll gradually making progress.

Here are some trouble-shooting questions that may guide you in this process:

What if my child doesn’t want to play along or answer questions?

If your child doesn’t want to supply answers, but still seems interested in watching, keep going. Play out the scene yourself like you’re putting on a puppet show! You can still try to ask no-pressure questions now and then, like: “The family is going to have lunch… what should they eat?” If they still choose not to participate, that’s okay.

If your child hates the doll play exercise all together (as in, they’re refusing to even watch, or they  get upset when you pull out the dolls), it’s time to scrap it. They won’t learn anything if they feel bored or pressured by it. 

Should my child be making the connection that the child doll represents him or her?

No, that’s never the goal of play. In fact, if you push too hard to try to make them see this connection, it could backfire. Kids can process their fears about the toilet and learn new things by engaging in and watching child characters go through similar situations. They don’t have to make the direct connection to themselves. (That said, some will notice on their own and perhaps even open up about it)

What if my child wants to add other things to the play scene, like other toys or props?

Let them! Whatever holds their interest in the exercise will only help.