Help Your Kids Try New Things – Without Pushing Too Hard

With another school year winding down and summer hot around the corner (pun intended), your child or teen will likely be facing some new situations that challenge their comfort zones. Will they make it through their first sleep-away camp? Will they finally try out the high-dive at the pool? You may be wondering how you can encourage them without pushing too hard.

As parents, we want our kids to stretch a little, to discover their amazing potential. But we also don’t want to shove them so far out of their comfort zone that they dig in their heels or panic like a cat in the bathtub. Here are some ways to gently encourage your child to explore beyond what feels safe and familiar:

1. Try to understand what feels hard for them
It’s critical to understand why they don’t want to try the new food, activity, or situation: are they afraid of being away from you? Are they worried they’ll embarrass themselves, or that a fun experience will be ruined? You may already have an inkling, but it’s still worth asking them in case they admit something unexpected! Understanding the source of the opposition could also provide a path to an action plan.  

2. Show acceptance for not trying something new
As counterintuitive as that may sound, telling a child or teen that the choice is fully theirs (and you accept them either way) can take some of the heat off. Let’s be real, nobody likes being forced into something before they’re ready. Rather than repeatedly pushing, “You’ll love this big water slide, I promise! Come on buddy, let’s go! Come on!” (which might not end well), try saying, “I think you can do this, but it’s truly okay if you choose not to. It’s up to you.”

3. Break the challenge into tiny steps
Let’s say you’re certain your 8-year-old will LOVE theater camp, but they’re also really hesitant about it. Trying something new doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. If it’s feasible, try easing into it. That could look like…

• First day of camp, parent attends with the child and together they watch the others perform
• Second day of camp, parent stays for support while the child participates
• Third day of camp, parent stays for a few minutes until child is comfortable, and then leaves

4. Celebrate the trying, not just the outcome
Kids are much more likely to try new things when they know the effort – and not the result – is what matters most to you. Saying, “Aw, I wish you had tried the zip line! I really think you’d enjoy it,” sounds supportive on the surface, but can leave them feeling like they’ve let us down. 

Instead, saying, “You climbed up to the very top this time! You’ve never gone up that high before!” sounds more encouraging, and builds up their confidence to try again next time. 

5. Prep, prep, prep
Some steps – like whether to take theater camp or try a water slide – might be desirable but aren’t a real priority. Other situations, however, might not be optional. For these situations, it’s ideal to talk about the details well in advance so your child has time to process it and so that plans can be made to keep them comfortable.

For example, “In a couple months, we’ll be flying to Michigan to visit Grandma. I know you’re nervous about your first time flying, and that’s completely normal. Let’s watch this Youtube video about flying so you feel more prepared. We can come up with some ideas for making the plane ride more enjoyable for you, too.”