5 Tips for Consistency when Parents Have Fluctuating Schedules

Some parents get to enjoy consistent working schedules (those lucky ducks), but many of us – or our partners – have schedules that change from week to week. That’s the situation for my husband and me, too. We all know that young children do best with predictable routines… and yet, jobs aren’t exactly known for consulting with us about our children’s ideal bedtimes! Work schedules just often can’t be helped.

The good news? You don’t have to throw the whole idea of a predictable routine out the window. With a little creativity, you CAN build some consistency into your days. Your children will benefit from it – and you will, too.

Here are some ideas:

Use routines as an “anchor”

Keeping morning/homework/bedtime rituals the same, no matter who’s home. Having a predictable pattern – even when certain aspects are inconsistent – build a sense of stability for everyone.

Use visuals

A simple calendar (or photo chart, for the little ones) can show kids what they’re doing that day, who they’ll be with, and what to expect. That sense of “I know what’s coming” helps reduce anxiety and gives them a little more control. It also gives them time to process changes and adjust.

Calendars or charts can be purchased, or you can create a very simple one yourself! (See bottom of this post for DIY ideas.)

Lean on Technology

If one or both parents regularly miss important parts of the day – such as bedtime or the mornings before school – schedule quick Facetime calls if possible to maintain that connection. Knowing that’s not always doable, you can also record a video ahead of time. (For example, parent could make a video of themselves saying goodnight, or wishing kids a good day at school.)

Tie Family Rituals to Days OR People (not both)

When work schedules are always shifting, it can be tricky to maintain consistent family rituals – but those “touchstones” are often what help kids feel grounded. One helpful approach is to decide what matters most: the people or the day.

For example, many families (with consistent schedules) might choose to have a pizza & movie night together every Friday. The day it takes place and the people who attend are always the same. However, trying to make this work for families with fluctuating schedules can be nearly impossible! Instead, you can try…

Tying it to the people involved: “We’ll do pizza and movie night once a week, on whatever day Daddy and I both have off together!”

(Pizza night happens whenever everyone is home to enjoy it, even if it’s Friday one week and Tuesday the next. Consistency comes from doing it together.)

Tying it to the day: “Fridays will always be pizza nights, but it may be Mom here with you, or Dad. Occasionally we’ll all be together!”

(Pizza night is always Friday, even if one parent can’t always be there. Consistency comes from the predictable day; the rhythm of the week stays the same.)

Create Acts of Attachment

Here are some ideas:

• Teach your kiddo that they can rub their heart (or give themselves a hug) when they miss their parent.
• Parent can hide a “love note” (or drawing) somewhere for kids to find.
• Make a paper chain to countdown days until the parent returns (for longer stretches apart).
• Make matching bracelets to wear when apart.

Easy DIY Photo Chart

This is a calendar I made for my toddler to better understand our own family’s fluctuating schedule. I glued cute paper to a piece of cardboard (optional), then printed photos to represent the most common aspects of my toddler’s day/week – a trip to the store, a visit to the park, naptime, time at Mimi’s, etc. I also printed days of the week (this calendar also helps my husband and I, so it doesn’t matter that kiddo can’t read yet!) and a few weather symbols. Last, I bought some velco and attached one side to the board, and the other side to the photos. Each day, we change out the pictures to show him (and ourselves) what’s happening!