6 Signs Your Relationship May Benefit from Couples Therapy

Perhaps you were surprised to see a couples-related post on a blog that’s supposed to be centered on child and teen mental health.

However, we know now that children’s mental health is greatly impacted by the quality of a couple’s relationship and communication! (See sources below.) If your child is struggling, therapy could help them, but if you suspect familial stress could be the cause of their challenges, it may be more effective to start there. I also understand that when you’re in the thick of things as a parent, it can be tough to discern the difference between “normal” couple stress and a more serious issue. You may be feeling a bit disconnected from your partner, but unsure whether therapy is really called for.

While some marital difficulties (e.g. frequent heated arguments) may seem more “obviously” in need of therapy, my goal here is to shed some light on the more subtle signs:

1. Poor Listening
Ineffective listening is not necessarily as noticeable of a problem as frequent fighting, but if at least one partner is regularly feeling ignored or misunderstood, it can just as easily erode the communication between you. Therapy guides couples in truly listening to each other and understanding each other’s perspectives. 

2. Betrayal of Trust 
Infidelity is a crystal-clear blow to a relationship, but some betrayals of trust are more insidious. It may look like financial deception (e.g. hiding big purchases), lying, or repeatedly failing to follow through on promises. Actions like these may seem small on the surface, but they slowly nick away at the foundation of a relationship over time. 

As a quick side note, if you enjoy my blog posts, you might also enjoy my monthly email newsletter! I typically include 1-2 longer discussions, interspersed with book recommendations, family activity ideas, and an “Ask Amanda” section that you can submit questions to. To subscribe, click here, and scroll down to enter in your email. Anyway, back to the main topic at hand!

3. Feeling Distant/Disconnected
If your partner feels like a stranger (or at best, a roommate) to you, it indicates a lack of emotional connection. Likely, you and your partner aren’t sharing your thoughts and experiences as openly as you used to, and it may feel more comfortable to continue with the status quo than to open up. Therapy can help you explore the reasons behind the distance and work on rebuilding closeness. 

4. Recurrent Negative Patterns
When negative behaviors like criticism or stonewalling become ongoing themes, they destroy connection and communication, no matter how well other aspects of the relationship are going.

5. Difficulty Finding Common Ground
When couples struggle to identify shared interests or opinions, this can lead to a lack of attachment in the relationship. Therapy can foster a sense of unity by helping you find shared values and build up your compromise and flexibility skills. You may even discover new activities you can enjoy together! 

6. Adjusting to Major Life Changes
Life transitions create hurdles for even the strongest of relationships. Whether you’re undergoing a move, expecting a new baby, or grieving a recent loss, you and your partner may find yourselves adjusting to new roles and expectations. Therapy can help you navigate these transitions together, learning to communicate effectively and support each other even amidst change. A couple of months after my own baby was born, my husband and I sought a few sessions of couples counseling ourselves!

Sources:
Current Psychology (2024): Social support and the mediating role of parental marital quality