Navigating Halloween with Sensitive Kids

If you have a kiddo who’s iffy about Halloween and trick-or-treating, they’re in good company. Children with more sensitive nervous systems – those with anxiety, autism, or highly sensitive personalities, for example – often find the holiday much too overwhelming. If we think about it, there IS a lot to be uncomfortable with when it comes to this holiday: scary decorations, creepy sounds, awkward interactions with strangers and even itchy, hot costumes. It’s understandable that they’re wary – and it’s equally understandable when parents are disappointed by it.

So is Halloween one of those times that you should help your child face their fears?

My answer as a child therapist is…maybe! If your child is wildly uncomfortable or fearful (to the point that they’re crying or outright refusing to go), and the rest of the family is fine staying home – by all means, do! Everyone can still have spooky fun without even leaving the house. I’ve included a bunch of ideas at the bottom of this post.

On the other hand, if your child is a mixture of excited and nervous (or perhaps previous experiences have made you uncertain how they’ll do), it IS worth nudging them out of their comfort zone a little. Here are some strategies that might set them up for success:

Practice exposure to spooky stuff
Visit Halloween aisles at stores and take a look at the creepy decorations and costumes. You may even encourage your child to try on a scary mask or two! This can help them more concretely understand that everything is pretend – and is also something you can refer back to later. (Example: “Remember how you looked in the monster mask? It was still you underneath, just like our neighbors are still themselves!”)

Note: if visiting this aisle is already a hard no for your child, don’t push it – and reconsider whether they’ll be able to tolerate trick-or-treating

Problem-solve together
Before the big night, brainstorm with your child some ideas that might increase their comfort with trick-or-treating. For example,  it may help to have a parent, older sibling, or friend to accompany them to each door. Other kids like the idea of planning to visit a specific number of houses at first (even if that number is one!), and then reassess whether they want to continue. Bringing a comfort item along may help, too!

Note: Even if you come up with some genius solutions beforehand, you may still need to get creative in the moment. If your little one fears a huge scary spider decoration, validate their concern and offer choices. Try saying, “I can see you don’t like this house, and I get it. Do you want me to go with you to the door, or just move on to the next house?”

Role-play
Have your child practice coming up to your door, saying “trick or treat” and responding to questions or comments about their costume. This builds confidence, as they’ll feel more prepared for social interaction. (But don’t sweat it if they still don’t get up the nerve to speak to strangers, even after practicing!)

Let little things go
Let them abandon the itchy costume if it’s making them grouchy. It’s okay to wear the mask or hat with a t-shirt and sweatpants! Similarly, try to let it go if they forget to say thank you to someone, complain about what they receive, and so on. If you stress over small details, this will trickle down to your kiddo, too.

Recognize when it’s time to stop
Whether you just stepped out the door or you’ve visited 8 houses already, if your child hits a wall, acknowledge that and head home. Please don’t guilt or bribe or pressure them into continuing!

If the holiday fails to meet your hopes, it’s okay to feel disappointed, but try not to let your child see that. Feeling overwhelmed during a fun tradition is tough enough for them without also feeling like they’ve let their parents down. There are tons of other ways to make Halloween memories together. Plus, kids grow and mature so much from year to year, so it’s possible they’ll be game for all the festivities next year! 

Fun Halloween Festivities without the Fear

If, for whatever reason, your family won’t be trick-or-treating but still wants to celebrate Halloween, here are some ideas!

• Wear costumes but stay in and play games
• Pass out candy to trick-or-treaters at your home (or make “grab & go” bags)
• Run a bath with glow-in-the-dark bath bombs and candles
• Make Halloween-esque snacks!
• Color spooky coloring pages
• Read Halloween-themed books (see some suggestions below – make sure to read them beforehand so you screen what your child may not enjoy!)
• Buy googly-eye sprinkles and decorate cookies or cupcakes to look like friendly monsters
• Make a Halloween treasure hunt around the house (e.g., hide candy, monster stickers, spider rings, etc for them to find)
• Make a Halloween craft – @abcdeelearning on Instagram has a ton
• “Boo” your friends’ houses – leave treats or little surprises at their door, along with a note to let them know who it’s from. The trick is to be sneaky! Don’t let them catch you in the act.