Professionals and parents alike consider reading to be important and beneficial for kids of all ages, but does that include books where characters behave badly? Will this influence impressionable young readers to “act out” themselves?
Recently, a few parents have reported to me that they avoid children’s literature and YA novels (as well as TV programs) that they deem to be a bad influence. This description seems to cover a wide range of behaviors, but here are some examples I’ve seen:
- child characters name-calling or hitting friends
- teen characters engaging in underage drinking, vaping, or “hooking up”
- characters of any age speaking disrespectfully or lying to their parents
Of course, the fear here is that children and teens will begin to emulate the behavior they’re reading about (“monkey see, monkey do”), so some parents choose to combat this by curating what media their children get their hands on. They aim for books and shows where characters almost always do the right thing – and if mistakes are made, then a clear lesson is learned (and obvious behavioral change made) by the end of the story.
Naturally, parents have every right to do this if it feels important to them. However, I’d like to present an alternative viewpoint!
What I actually love about these “bad influence books” (for lack of a better term) is that they create an opportunity for conversation between parents and kids. Let’s say you’re reading to your child – or hearing your teen describe a novel they’re reading – and a character makes some questionable choices. Rather than jumping in to reject the behavior yourself, get your child’s thoughts on it and promote their critical-thinking and problem-solving. That could look like…
- “Oh no, the raccoon hit his friend! Why do you think he did that? Do you think it’s okay to hit?”
- “Yikes, so the main character snuck out to a party and ended up not liking it? That sounds uncomfortable. What would you do if you found yourself in that situation?”
While you’re having a conversation, there’s also a window here for modeling empathy. We may disagree with the choices a character makes, but are we able to make space for some understanding, instead of dismissing them completely? A perhaps hard-to-swallow truth here is that children and teens are going to make mistakes like these, regardless of what literature or other media they’re allowed to consume. If we judge characters too harshly for their choices, we may accidentally create a fear in kids and teens that we will judge or condemn them if they do the same.
I discussed this topic with a couple of therapist colleagues of mine, and they permitted me to share their thoughts with you, too:
“This question makes me think of an episode of Black Mirror I watched years ago (that I wouldn’t necessarily recommend). The main character had a procedure done that prevented her from witnessing any kind of adversity throughout her childhood/teenage years. So, when she did experience these things, it was a wildly overwhelming experience. Similarly-ish, if we prevent our children and tweens and teens from participating in media with inappropriate behavior, then we are also stopping ourselves from being able to have proactive, productive conversations with them about these topics.” – Julie Burke, LPC-S (teen therapist and owner of Violet Crown Therapy)
Avoiding these books also bypasses an opportunity for the adult to learn how to react to misbehaviors. In Where the Wild Things Are, we see Max misbehaving, getting punished for it, but not necessarily changing his behavior. Instead he acts out more, and it isn’t until he is met with love in the form of getting his dinner that he truly seems to calm down. Even books without these themes are important to read, because it exposes the child (and adult!) to a wide range of different effects certain behaviors might have.” -Michelle Beyer, LPC (child/teen therapist and owner of Wildflower Counseling ATX)
Of course, there’s no doubt that certain books, TV shows, or other media can take this too far. There’s a fine line between what can spark interesting conversation and what’s outright “glorifying” something dangerous for the sake of reaction and ratings – and that line will differ depending on your child’s age and personality, as well as your own comfort level as a parent. However, ultimately, we can’t protect kids from every source of media where someone might behave in a way that’s less than ideal. Therefore, it’s important to teach them to analyze these images and moments critically for themselves.
Amanda Robinson, LPC-S, RPT-S 