Benefits of Involving Kids in Problem-Solving (& How)

In a world driven by constant change, the ability to problem-solve is a skill of crucial importance. And what better way to develop this skill than by involving children in the process from an early age? Collaborative problem-solving with kids isn’t just about finding solutions; it’s about nurturing their development. It’s not always the easier route – in fact, it often feels much simpler just to work out the issue by yourself! However, the benefits of stepping back so can kids can step up are HUGE. 

Problem-solving…

Builds resilience
Let’s say your child wakes up on a Saturday with the grand goal of baking cookies – only to realize there are no eggs in the fridge. Assuming for a second that you don’t simply rush to the store for more, your child is left with two options: fall into a pit of despair over their ruined plans, or try to solve the problem. 

Promotes collaboration
Maybe your kiddo’s first step is to turn to you for help, and that’s fine, as problem-solving builds communication skills. They might be annoyed when you gently refuse to hop in the car and procure more eggs – but that’s an excellent opportunity for compromise!

Develops critical thinking skills
Problem-solving requires you to analyze the situation and evaluate potential solutions. In the cookie scenario, perhaps this looks like your child mulling over whether to bake the recipe without eggs and see what happens, make something different, or even come up with a different Saturday activity all together.

Encourages creativity
When children and teens solve their own problems, they often have to think outside the box and be resourceful. It may occur to our Cookie Kid that they can try inventing their own egg-less recipe, for example! (Or just consult Google – that’d be a valid option, too.)

Fosters independence and confidence
When parents step back and let kids work through age-appropriate challenges on their own, kids learn that they’re capable. In our cookie scenario, your child might get frustrated at times and doubt themselves. But when they succeed? They’ll feel on top of the world! 

Builds trust between parents and kids
Stepping in every single time kids experience challenge inadvertently sends a message that we don’t think they can do it alone. When we give them some space and encouragement, it shows our faith and trust in them.

Ways to incorporate cooperative problem-solving at home

Don’t worry, joint problem-solving doesn’t mean that you have to throw your child in the deep end of the pool and hope they manage not to drown. It’s an approach that involves all members of the family working together. Here are some practical strategies for getting kids involved at home:

Family Meetings
If there have been general snafus in the running of your household lately, try to brainstorm together at an arranged family meeting. That might look like…

• “We’re sure having trouble getting out of the door on time in the mornings, aren’t we? What do you guys think we can do to help things go more smoothly?” (Hint: notice the non-blaming language)

IMPORTANT: Hear out their ideas, however silly. If your six-year-old thinks she needs ice cream in the mornings to inspire her to get out the door on time, pretend to mull it over before setting limits. 

Returning Responsibility
This is actually a skill that play therapists use in therapy with children! The idea is that when children are struggling with an age-appropriate task (such as getting the lid off a big container of sand), we don’t jump in to do it for them, nor do we make offers of help. We allow them to work on it on their own. That may sound simple, but adults are naturally inclined to assist without thinking about it. It can be HARD WORK to notice what you’re doing and intentionally sit back.

Household Planning
Rely on their youthful ideas and energy so you can reduce your own mental load – and remember to let it go when they do it differently than you would. Couple ideas for this:

• Meal planning: “Sage, I’d love help thinking of meals to cook each week. From now on, you’ll plan a meal for one day a week and write any missing ingredients on the grocery list. I’ll help you with cooking if needed.”
• Vacations: “We’ll be traveling to Denver soon! Kara, please make a list of all the things to do in Denver, and then we’ll pick some ideas from that. Matt, please look up what the weather will be like there so we all know what to pack.”

Conflict Resolution
When your kiddo (of any age) brings up a challenge they’re having, express empathy first – and then ask what ideas THEY have for managing it. Of course, if their thoughts are off-base, it’s okay to gently steer them back on course! Example:

• “Aw, I’m sorry to hear you got in a fight with your girlfriend. That’s really tough, hon. What do you think you want to do next?” …. “I get why it’s appealing to get back at her, I truly do. You’re angry. I also know that you’re not a vengeful person, and you might feel guilty later.

In sum, the goal of fostering kids’ own problem-solving skills is not just to find solutions, but to cultivate a mindset that values persistence, critical thinking, and adaptability. As children grow, these abilities will serve them well in all areas of life.