Redefining Strength in Fatherhood

For generations, strength in fatherhood was often measured in silence – how much a dad could carry without complaint, how little he showed of what he was feeling. However, as a child therapist who has worked with many dads over the last decade, I’ve seen a shift. Today’s dads understand that true strength isn’t about shutting emotions down, but about opening up. It’s not just about being physically present in the room, but also emotionally present in the moment. 

Modern fathers are redefining what it means to be strong. They’re learning to sit with discomfort, both their own and their children’s. They’re saying things like, “that sounds scary,” and “I’m here for you.” They’re even allowing themselves to be seen by their kids as human beings who make mistakes. This shift is positively impacting dads’ relationship with their kids – and therefore, it’s impacting kids’ mental health, too.

Let’s talk for a minute about our favorite (or at least my favorite) pop culture dads. For example, if you’ve seen Bob’s Burgers, then you know Bob Belcher’s kids are VERY quirky humans. Between Tina’s obsession with zombies and Louise’s…entire personality, Bob has his hands full. But what makes him – and dads like him – great is that he lets his children be themselves. He meets them where they are with love and support. Furthermore, Randall Pearson (This is Us) and Ted Lasso (from…well, Ted Lasso) both demonstrate loving, empathetic, and emotionally aware parenting styles. They both try to show understanding for their kids’ perspectives and model the strength in vulnerability.

Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it’s a form of connection. Strength has nothing to do with silence…nor with muscle. If anything, raising kids will stretch your endurance and flexibility in ways no gym ever could. So, in honor of the dads out there doing the emotional heavy lifting, here’s a lighthearted look at what modern dad strength really looks like:

• Being fully present for your child or teen’s long-winded story about their day: 2/10 strength
• Letting the kids paint your nails, do your hair, or otherwise beautify you: 4/10 strength
• Patiently carrying your toddler everywhere like a koala because they don’t want to be put down: 5/10 strength
• Staying calm when your kid throws a fit at Target: 8/10 strength
• Listening to their feelings when you’d really rather just fix the problem for them: 9/10 strength
• Admitting when you lost your temper, and apologizing without excuses: 10/10 strength

While my “Dad Strength Meter” is a bit tongue-in-cheek, it really is a testament to the everyday tenderness, patience, and presence that fatherhood calls for. I hope you think about the strongest thing you’ve done this week, and give yourself a pat on the back for it. And also – Happy Father’s Day!