More FAQs about Play Therapy

Years ago, I wrote another blog post answering the questions parents most commonly have about play or child therapy. And now, I’m back with some more!

Once again, I want to reiterate that if your child is already in therapy, it’s best to check in with your specific clinician for their thoughts on these matters; however, I know that can feel uncomfortable at times. Additionally, maybe your kiddo’s not yet seeing someone, and you just want to learn more! Either way, I’m happy to provide some information.

At what age are they “too old” for play therapy?

Play therapy is typically geared toward children ages 3-10; however, even at 11 and up, many kids are still more comfortable expressing themselves through creative means than through direct conversation. Play therapy for older children will typically incorporate age-appropriate activities like art, drama, games, or sandtray therapy and rely less on toys. Preteens are navigating complex emotions and changes, and play therapy can help them explore those feelings when words might be hard to find.

What if my child doesn’t “act out” in therapy? How will the therapist treat the problem if they don’t get a chance to see it?

I like to answer this question with a little metaphor. If you’ve ever gone to couples therapy (or even considered it), you may have found yourself thinking something like,

“I actually hope that my partner and I get into a fight in session, so that the therapist can see these messy patterns we get into! Then they can call us out on our mistakes so we stop making them.”

Totally understandable! But then…maybe you get to couples therapy and the fight doesn’t happen. Why? It could be a number of reasons: maybe having distance from the “trigger” gives you clarity; maybe you both feel understood and accepted by the therapist, and that lowers any walls you’ve put up. Despite the lack of fighting, you and your partner may still find therapy helpful, because you’re able to put aside the minutiae of day-to-day squabbles and get to the core of the problem.

Guess what: it works similar in play therapy! It’s common for kids to come to therapy and NOT exhibit the difficult behaviors they’ve been showing at home and school for months. It could be they feel safe and accepted by the therapist, or maybe the distance from their stressors helps. But once again, therapists don’t need to personally witness them “act out” in order to help them process their problems.

Why aren’t parents typically brought into a play therapy session?:

• Children are sensitive to the expectations and opinions of their parents. They may behave in ways to try to please their parents or avoid scaring/embarrassing them. This interferes with the child fully expressing themselves, and can negatively affect their therapy.
• In cases of separation anxiety, the act of leaving a parent in the waiting room is important work! Separation is “practiced” in a very supportive environment.
• It may prevent the therapist from effectively building rapport with a child if they’re distracted by their parent.
• Frankly, the child needs to be free to talk about you! Imagine going to a therapy session right now and having your parents sitting in the corner listening.

Can I leave the office during my child’s session?

My personal rule on this one is that your kiddo must be old enough AND mature enough to sit quietly in the waiting room should you not return until after their session has ended. Yes, perhaps you’re planning for your errand to be quick, but stuff happens! Parents have sometimes unexpectedly run into snafus or traffic that delayed their return, and I cannot sit with their kiddo if I have other clients. Other therapists may have a firmer (or more laid back) stance on this though!

When/How will you let me know how my kiddo is doing?

I contact parents for a consult meeting about every 4-6 sessions I have with the child. However, if anything urgent comes up in the meantime, I will contact parents sooner, and they are also always welcome to contact me if they’re worried. I do not talk about how a child is doing immediately following their session, as this would feel like a betrayal of their trust.